Sometimes I do have a soft spot for the dramatics but only for impact, nothing more. I never was a fan of histrionics and the drama that goes with it. I do understand that some people make this their life's template. Not me. Not only I am averse to it I also don't know what's the appropriate response to people who have the penchant of making a scene.
I used to work in a company where people shout at each other. No, not people at my level but people in the senior management positions. Ok maybe that is a tad too generalized. Let me be more specific, in my previous company, the Indian bosses like to shout. They like to shout at their subordinates. The former global head of my account seems to find the day unproductive if he was not able to shout at his people. One poor Indian paper pusher was even told during a global meeting that he was not needed. Poor bloke, he was half sobbing answering the strafing of queries from the managers. The good thing about this boss is that he seems to recognized that shouting is not the best way to motivate the Pinoys. He was alone in this though. The Asia-Pacific boss shouts at our global account head, while the CEO does not mince words nor decibel level when showing his displeasure at the Asia-Pacific boss. It's funny sometimes but it's not a party when one is the recipient of the histrionics being pulled by the boss. My former boss was also a bombay and he is from the same mold. Although he has not shouted at me, he has been very liberal in pushing the decibel level up even on minute displeasure. Why, he even raises his voice when he's happy. Maybe with more than a billion people in the sub-continent, one has to shout to be heard. Just wondering.
This is one of the many reasons I left that company. It's just not my style.
Now, I am working with my mom. While she does not shout at me, she, too, is into histrionics and dramatics so much that her tears almost can fall on cue! It always leaves me confused when after a discussion the response is a river of tears. Emotional "blackmail" sucks! It is the worst feeling and of course I feel bad making my mom cry. Unfortunately I can't just resign from the family business.
I wish that histrionics and dramatics are left to the unoriginal soap operas. Or at the very least outside the workplace. Me, I do my dramatics and histrionics here in the blogosphere, in that way the person who may chance upon my blog can opt not to read histrionics and my poor writing style.
I was having a light conversation with a co-worker in one of our break times one time when the topic of discussion went to shaving. He asked me how often I shave. I told him that I shave every other day. He was curious because he runs the razor over his face every day but still have a 6 o'clock shadow a few hours after shaving. We compared shaving styles and the basic difference was that I shave against the grain while he doesn't.
I told him that he must shave against the grain because it cuts deeper. I concluded that this is the reason why his hair grows faster than mine. He was hesitant at first but I encouraged him to do it if he wants a cleaner and closer shave. And so he did.
My co-worker is actually a mestizo. While his mom is a Filipina, his dad was an Arab. The reason why his hair grows faster is genetics. Aside from the fact that going against the grain did not really work for him, he had cuts all over his face. All because of my advice.
I learned one important lesson that day and that is: what works for one may not work for another. Even for the same problem, solutions differ from one person to another for the simple reason that every human being is unique. Not just biologically but also in history and values. We should not insist on what we think is right because our biases can impede in the recognition that the other person is different.
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Post Script: I did learn that lesson but the fact remains I still don't practice it. I still try to impose my idea of what is right. I am not perfect, I am a work in progress. I am working on it.
My dad's C has worsened. He is malnourished because he wouldn't eat. And this sudden turn of events have affected my mom very much. She has not been sleeping well because she is worried about my father. She checks up on him every now and then to see if he is alright and comfortable. And when she is able to get some sleep, my dad would sometimes also wake her up because he needs assistance. Be it for food, for medicine, to be comforted, etc. My mom is now my dad's rock. But this rock is not a strong rock. My mom is not a very healthy woman herself. She has hypertension and all these lack of sleep and stressful situations may trigger an attack. It is my duty now to make sure that I give enough support to my mom so that her stress levels will not elevate more than necessary.
While I can suppress sadness and all other "unnecessary" feelings, my mom can't. She's been crying on a daily basis now whenever we talk about my dad. She cries because she's tired. She cries because she is scared. Sometimes I want to cry, too, but for her sake I have to look like I am strong. I even indulge her talk about showbiz stuff (esp. Sarah G. and Marian R.) just so she can rest her mind from thinking about my dad's condition.
I just wish my dad gets better so that we can smile again.
In the past, I used to be a member of a chapel choir. This song is one of my favorite songs. It's very relevant to those among us who are getting tired of this journey... maybe it's time for us to recognize the One who's been there all along.
I used to work in a bank for almost 8 years. Even though that it's been almost 7 years since I left UCPB, I always felt that I belong because a lot of my close friends are still working there. But steadily this is becoming untrue. In the very few occasions that I visit the very first company I worked with I am seeing less and less familiar faces. I don't feel I belong anymore. Even the guards and messengers have changed. I'm seeing strangers.
Today another change has happened. One of my closest friends from the bank is leaving for Canada. Jane has been my mentor when I started, now she too has left. There were a lot before her. Mia also migrated to the US, so has Cloy whom I totally lost contact with. One of my favorite bosses, Ma'am Myrna also went to the US. Bless moved to Manila just recently. Anne also left the bank and although she's just in Davao, I hardly get to see her anymore. Same story with Dyna and Noreen.
I guess that's how life is. We move on with our lives either for better opportunities or to start a family somewhere else. It is a little bit sad but we have to embrace change, it's the only thing that's been consistent in our lives. It's a melancholic realization but nevertheless real. There are a lot of wonderful memories that we've shared in our stint in the bank, I hope that it is enough to keep us as friends in the long haul.
A lot of us, me included, have a problem saying no. Some say it is cultural but after too many nights watching too many episodes of Oprah, the fear of saying no is not just a Filipino thing. I am sure that there are a million different reasons why we just can't say no. Some are scared to say no because they don't want to reject another person. We all have been rejected one time or another and we know how that feels, hence, we avoid saying no. We are scared of saying no because we don't want to offend.
However, saying yes or maybe when we really mean no in the long run is actually worse than saying no outright. When we withhold our no we lead on that other person to that non-existent glimmer of hope only to get heartbroken when the time that yes is most needed. I think not saying no is actually a sadistic way of hurting a person. If at all the pain of rejection is eminent due to the NO, at least it is easier to recover knowing that one was not disrespected with a lie.
Of course, we still need to know how to say no in the most humane way. We need to make sure that our no is just a no and not a rejection of the person himself or herself. But more than being nice, I think a dash of sincerity should always be of paramount consideration. After all, a man is only as good as his word. If you give your word, keep it, or else, say no.
"I'd rather get hurt with your truth than be deceived with your lies." - anonymous (or I think from a song that I can't remember now)